It’s a fractious time in our country, and you’re headed home for Thanksgiving. What could go wrong? But don’t stress — Jam Sandwich is here to help guide those uncomfortable conversations straight back to that band you toured with in high school and are magnitudes more obsessed with now than you ever were then.
The only way to stop a dreadful conversation is to make it even more dreadful.
So here we go — a little conversation outline that’ll guide you from various Modern News Topics straight back into Phish.
Be the clown, good luck, and Happy Turkeys.
Lights.
The Popular Vote
Trump got 3 million fewer votes than Hillary Clinton in the 2016 Election. That’s a fact. He won the presidency by taking the Electoral College — and that’s why he’s laser-focused on Rust Belt states like Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Wisconsin to win in 2020.
He could very well lose the popular vote once again and still eke out an Electoral win, handing him the presidency. That, naturally, is a scary prospect for Democrats. So while they work this out and stew their gravy, here’s how you hijack the conversation.
The pivot: “Phish lost the popular vote once, too!”
Go deeper: It’s all about Frank Zappa's Joe's Garage and Halloween 1995…
In the summer of 1994, via a radio interview, Phish announced that they would take votes from phans about what album to play for the second set of Halloween of that year.
The Beatles' White Album won by a long shot, though with only circa 50 votes (and there were reportedly very few votes overall).
The voting was repeated but fudged for 1995: Frank Zappa's Joe's Garage got the most votes, but with insanely complex overdubs, potentially offensive lyrics, and several tunes (esp. "Watermelon in Easter Hay") that Zappa had requested never be performed live again, the band (after learning a considerable amount of it) decided they just couldn't make it sound like it should and chose to instead play Quadrophenia (which reportedly came in second in the voting). - Phish.net
The Elite
So there you are, poking the turkey, and a progressive relative — perhaps it’s you — is ripping on the country’s elite. The man! Right? This is a Bernie or Warren-friendly moment at the table, and perhaps you’re thinking that’s cool.
But no. Now’s the time to tear into it.
The pivot: “Then there’s Sirius and The Met!”
Topics to explore: Is Phish on a money grab? Did they even read their own book? And who has that office job that lets them listen for drops all day long then jam up the lines to win a pass?
The elite, that’s who.
Stand up, raise a fist, and scream this word for word: “JEMP Radio, forever.” Then pass around a donation plate to round up $8,500 for charity and get inside.
Evangelicals and Trump
There’s been, well, some discussion around evangelicals making a deal with President Trump, and President Trump making a deal with evangelicals.
The two have danced since the 2016 primaries and they’re still waltzing through today, as the President works with Mitch McConnell to remake the federal judiciary and solidify conservative judicial leanings for an American generation.
Someone might want to talk about that. Don’t let them.
The pivot: “All this reminds me of a story called Gamehendge…”
Go deeper: The Lizards, King Wilson, and the Helping Friendly Book. Gamehendge, that land of inherent greatness, and the Lizards’ dastardly king who keeps their sacred book so close and yet so strikingly out of touch.
The Lizards would be saved, he said, if they could be enlightened
By the writings of the Helping Friendly Book
Impeachment
Ah, impeachment. You know damn well this one will come up. But don’t stress — we’ve got a few avenues to explore. Give everyone a few minutes to shout out their concerns over the scandal that sparked the inquiry and share some alternate facts.
How you pivot: “So there are 1.0 fans vs. 3.0 fans…”
Go deeper: The scene has a flood of 3.0 fans who, thank the Lord, are breathing an amazing, energetic, and explosively positive energy into Phish fandom. And truth is they’ve seen some incredible shows. 1.0 fans, naturally, think they’re hyping a bit and probably just don’t know what they’ve missed.
The only way to solve this, naturally, would be to hold an inquiry.
The two sides lay out their differences and then you host a trial in the Senate. Was Alpine Ruby Waves really up there? Was the Bakers Dozen some of the best playing they’ve truly ever done. Have you ever even listened to Fall 1997?!
Split up the table, give every relative a tour, and make them argue things out. So long you’re fully transparent about things, the people will be better off.
The 2020 Democrats
Marc Nozell/Flickr (CC-BY) Remix by Jason Reed on Daily Dot
Do the Democrats have a candidate who can take on Trump? Are they progressive enough? Are they moderate enough? Are they likable? There’s lots to talk about with regards to this wave of Democrats but there’s only really one, or maybe two, you can jump in about to bring it home to Phish.
The pivot: “You know, Pete Buttigieg’s a bit of a phan!”
Go deeper: The 37-year-old former mayor of South Bend, Indiana, reportedly likes Tweezer, went to one show around 2000 in the Indianapolis area, and says he would consider Phish for a Buttigieg inauguration performance. His campaign upped the ante with a “Tweezer Reprise” listing on their Spotify playlist. His favorite album? “Picture of Nectar.”
He’s not a Phish head, per se — he sounds like the friendly, super smart guy you brought to the Camden lot in the 2000s to party with because he talked about Dave Matthews Band once at soccer practice. And he liked the show! So he said — you lost him at set break.
While you’re here… a quick round-up
🎥 LivePhish.com will stream all seven shows on the cutesy fall tour that’s about to pop off. LivePhish+ subscribers get $10 off the package, which starts at $149 for an HD pass.
👕 Dry Goods’ Seven Below sale is happening right now. It’s a decent chance to get discounted tour shirts, CDs (?!), hats, and side project posters.
🖌️ Jim Pollock partnered with Stowe Cider for a WaterWheel-benefitting can release. He’s hosting a release party in Providence at Murphy’s Deli, November 30th from 3-6pm — before the show.
🎻 Trey is playing Tanglewood, with the Boston Pops and Keith Lockhart, in June. Onsale is Feb. 6. Much fancy.
🎸 Phish’s July 23, 1999 show from Polaris Amphitheatre in Columbus, Ohio, just hit the Live Phish app with a fresh remix from archivist Kevin Shapiro. A nice Ghost, a beautiful Birds, and a Meatstick that informed fans Big Cypress was on the horizon.
That’s all I’ve got for now. I appreciate you.
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